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John Kerry "Hack Around" Watch

“Have you had a beer with me yet?” Kerry protested when a local reporter once asked about his reputation for aloofness. “I like to have fun as much as the next person, and go out and hack around and have a good time.”

I’ll let the professional politicos figure out the real reason why John Kerry is losing to George Bush. My own opinion is entirely superficial. John Kerry is an asshole and nobody likes him.

Kerry is always at pains to show that he is just a regular guy . . . someone who likes to go out and “hack around.”

What exactly does “hack around” mean anyway?

Does he like to roam through backalleys in the small hours overturning trash cans? Does he relax by pitching pennies against a cement wall? What could he possibly mean? What sort of regular guy even uses the phrase “hack around?” It sounds like something a prep school dillitante might say to describe what “regular guys” do.

“I like to have fun as much as the next person,” is not the sort of thing a person who likes to have fun would actually say. It’s one of those sayings that cancels out its own meaning -- like the word “classy.”

Bush, on the other hand, is cool. He’s genuinely funny and he knows how to get other people to lose their own cool. Critics like to say that W was a drunken loser until he was 40 as if that was a slur.

Most people find that a refreshing change from all the obnoxious high school hall monitors who dreamt of being president since their earliest conscious moments even though everyone in class despised them.

John Kerry, like Al Gore and Richard Nixon, needs to be president. He is not complete without becoming president. His yearning is written all over him. He tries too hard.

People may not like some of Bush’s policies but the majority has always liked Bush the man.

People will never like Kerry.

And frankly, what’s more important anyway?