kerrybike

Kerry "Hack Around" Watch

John Kerry connects with the common man by riding his $7,000 European racing bike around Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Do you get the feeling that Kerry really doesn't want to win this?

graceful kerry

Kerry "Hack Around" Watch

John Kerry trying hard not to soil his khakis or ruin his loafers while he hacks around some Godforsaken red state with a bunch of his closest friends.

kerry corndog

Kerry "Hack Around" Watch

Regular guy John Kerry seems unfamiliar with a corn dog.

kerry football

John Kerry "Hack Around" Watch

“Have you had a beer with me yet?” Kerry protested when a local reporter once asked about his reputation for aloofness. “I like to have fun as much as the next person, and go out and hack around and have a good time.”

I’ll let the professional politicos figure out the real reason why John Kerry is losing to George Bush. My own opinion is entirely superficial. John Kerry is an asshole and nobody likes him.

Kerry is always at pains to show that he is just a regular guy . . . someone who likes to go out and “hack around.”

What exactly does “hack around” mean anyway?

Does he like to roam through backalleys in the small hours overturning trash cans? Does he relax by pitching pennies against a cement wall? What could he possibly mean? What sort of regular guy even uses the phrase “hack around?” It sounds like something a prep school dillitante might say to describe what “regular guys” do.

“I like to have fun as much as the next person,” is not the sort of thing a person who likes to have fun would actually say. It’s one of those sayings that cancels out its own meaning -- like the word “classy.”

Bush, on the other hand, is cool. He’s genuinely funny and he knows how to get other people to lose their own cool. Critics like to say that W was a drunken loser until he was 40 as if that was a slur.

Most people find that a refreshing change from all the obnoxious high school hall monitors who dreamt of being president since their earliest conscious moments even though everyone in class despised them.

John Kerry, like Al Gore and Richard Nixon, needs to be president. He is not complete without becoming president. His yearning is written all over him. He tries too hard.

People may not like some of Bush’s policies but the majority has always liked Bush the man.

People will never like Kerry.

And frankly, what’s more important anyway?

kerry and heinz kerry

Who Among Us Doesn’t Like Teresa Heinz Kerry?

Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry is certainly more interesting and affable than John Heinz Kerry and I enjoy hearing her unscripted remarks because they remind you how important it is to be scripted in a closely contested political campaign.

This is especially true if your actual views on the issues of the day are so infantile and far outside of the mainstream that they would alienate millions of voters if they were not deliberately concealed.

The New York Times takes a certain illicit pleasure in reporting TTSFHK’s more indulgent ramblings, perhaps because to a Timesman they sound like world-weary wisdom.

Case in point: the Heinz Kerrys were exploring remote and exotic Missouri yesterday when TTSFHK blessed the bewildered crowd of natives with her thoughts on national security policy:

"You cannot solve problems by throwing stones," she said. "And you cannot solve problems by telling lies. And you cannot solve problems by wishing ill to other people. The only way you solve problems is by holding hands and talking about it. And that's what we want to do in this campaign."

Well, she’s at least right about the futility of rock throwing. That’s why we have bullets. But really, the only way to solve problems is by holding hands and talking? My seven year couldn't have said it better.

I’m sure Teresa is a nice person and all but she’s no deep thinker even after compensating for the preposterous accent

Click here, listen to all the words and watch closely to find out what happens in the real world when all the talking is through.

i trust bush more

Bumper Sticker Politics

This week I drove through parts of Connecticut, New York, Nerw Jersey, and Pennsylvania and kept my eyes open for Bush and Kerry bumperstickers.

I was surprised to see only one Kerry bumper sticker on this little Blue State tour and that one was taped to the inside of the back window of a BMW – an embarrassingly tepid endorsement.

On the other hand I saw three cars with Bush stickers . . . one of which was plastered with them.

There were lots of generic “United We Stand” type messages and on “Dump Bush” message spotted on my six hour round trip.

Conclusion? Nothing scientific but I certainly expected to see more support for the Democratic candidate consider I was driving through three states where Kerry supposedly has an absolute lock on the vote.

Still, it’s pretty remarkable how such on unscientific survey could reflect what more rigorous public opinion research seems to indicate: that Democrats hate Bush more than they love Kerry and that Bush supporters are committed enough to their guy to deface their automobiles on his behalf.

What about the many generic stickers? I suspect those are the Bush supporters who are cowed by the pop culture BushHate® from coming out explicitly for W but will cast their vote for him when the curtain is closed.

I also had plenty of time to think of new bumper sticker slogans. The best one would be one which is positive, straightforward, and encouraging to undecided voters. Something like this perhaps:

This implies that John Kerry is honorable, patriotic and better able to lead our country in time of exitential challenge than almost any else, but the reason I support President Bush is because I trust him more than Kerry.

Inoffensive, realistic, and resonant with the concerns of people who are voting their hope not their hate.

Where's the Shrimp Vindaloo?

The John Kerry photo op at Wendy’s the other day was even more revealing than previously thought.

The Kerry-Edwards bus caravan stopped at a Wendy’s in Newburgh, New York to celebrate the Edwards’ wedding anniversary in the manner traditional to the Edwards family.

The Heinz-Kerrys had clearly never been in a Wendy’s before. John Kerry ordered a Frosty shake for lunch and Teresa Heinz-Kerry asked for the specials of the day and settled on a bowl of chili.

After some mock frivolity with the unwashed patrons and an oddly tense exchange with a table of Marines who supported President Bush, the entourage retreated back aboard the bus . . . photo-op complete.

So after pretending to mix it up with the regular folks what did the millionaire ticket really eat for lunch?

According to the Mid Hudson News, they ordered meals from Nikola’s Restaurant at the Newburgh Yacht Club.

"The gourmet meals to go included shrimp vindaloo, grilled diver sea scallops, prosciutto, wrapped stuffed chicken, and steak salad. The meals came to about $200."

I guess Edwards is right . . . there are two Americas.

"Let There Be No Mistake . . . "

. . . I will never hesitate to use force when it is required. Any attack will be met with a swift and a certain response."

So this means the United States won't respond to threats until after there is another smoking crater in Lower Manhattan? I believe this was the Clinton Doctrine which became the Bush Doctrine until 9/11 when most of us realized that was a far too dangerous position to take in a far too dangerous world. Praise for Bush for recognizing that that policy was a mistake.

"The future doesn't belong to fear; it belongs to freedom."

Well, not by default. You have to do something to ensure that the future belongs to freedom. That might require projecting military force. Perhaps even before the enemy strikes. George Bush, though his actions and words, believes we have to shape history not sit back and see how it shapes us.

"I defended this country as a young man, and I will defend it as President."

As Lileks observes this morning, this is the first time anyone has heard a liberal say that Vietnam was a war of national defense. After all, Vietnam didn't attack us and we were there without UN mandate. Plus, after he was safely stateside Kerry did all he could to erode public support for the war even while his "brothers on arms" were under fire abroad and vilified as baby killers when they returned.

How would Kerry react to Iran announcing that it had developed a nuclear weapon? We have no idea whatsoever.

Wiffle Ball John Kerry stands halfway to home plate and throws one into the dirt.

Grace Under Pressure George W. Bush throwing a strike from the mound before 52,000 people at the 2001 World Series three weeks after 9/11.

Stronger at Home . . .

Michael Dukakis demonstrating why our enemies ought to refrain from messing with Massachusetts.

. . . Respected Abroad

John Kerry demonstrating that he is a tone deaf asshole.

And So On. And So On. And Scooby Dooby Doo Bee.
 
I tuned into the Democratic Convention two times on CSPAN last night and each time silver-haired conventioneers were swaying and dancing to some of the most putrid music of the last 40 years.

First I saw a perfect demographic tableau of people – black, white, red, yellow, a glorious mosaic -- all mouthing the infantile words of Sly and the Family Stone’s “Everyday People.”

And so on. And so on
And scooby dooby doo bee.
Different strokes for different folks.

That sparked a little flashback to the Forced Joy era of the early seventies when the revolution became institutionalized, when men wore big fat neckties printed with earth-toned op-art octagons and women smoked foul little cigarettes and dressed in Marimekko tarps. The days when everything was brown, yellow or avocado.  The world of housing projects, 20s nostalgia, busing, caucus rooms, plaid everything, syrup rock, Free to Be You and Me mind control, AMC Pacers, Brezhnev, Roger Moore, macramé, Attica, Squeeky Fromme, the Mayaquez Crisis. 

Whoa!  Am I the only person who doesn’t have a visceral reaction to that misery?

I didn’t just switch the channel.  I flipped the main electrical switch in the house just to be safe.  After a few hours to ensure that all the wattage had leaked out of the wires I turned on the television again. 

This time the old fogies were holding hands and singing Blowin’ in the Wind.

Yes 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Christ!  We’re at war with religious fanatics who cut peoples’ heads off with steak knives and then have their children act out the murder as if it were a school play and our fellow Americans are singing the anthem of boneheaded fatalist submission. 

I’m all for banning cannon balls at some point, but first let’s fire everything we’ve got at the Islamofascists and throw in a few daisy cutters topped in napalm. 

There will always people who choose to sing about peace instead of doing what’s necessary to secure the peace . . . that’s fine.  But no one is ever going to trust them with the keys to national security any more than you would count on solar energy to power your iron lung.

This was apparently part of the intro to Jimmy Carter’s speech about restoring respect for America around the world and standing forcefully against our enemies.  This of course is exactly like Gloria Steinem bragging about her relationship with Dale Earnhardt Jr or Konstantin Chernenko pumping up the crowd with his infectious enthusiasm.

So far the Democrats are making a great case for ignoring the present, deferring the future and all walking hand in hand back to the warm comfort of the past. 

I don’t blame them.  The future is uncertain, dangerous and challenging.  It's particularly challenging to all the unquestionable beliefs that have encrusted the Democratic Party over the  past forty years – multiculturalism, agnosticism, moral relativism, pacifism, socialism.

These dogmas are the only lasting remnants of that post-sixties Golden Age (well, more like an orange and chestnut brown age) when all the political left fought for appeared to come true – the Vietnam War was over, the race riots were over, Nixon was humiliated, women could wear pants. 

Today those victories are under direct attack by medieval holy warriors who hate women, homosexuals, Jews, Christians, Buddhists, most Muslims, and just about everyone else and are eager to martyr themselves in order to cleanse the earth of all non-believers.
    
What’s blowin’ in the wind? How about the smell of 3,000+ charred and pulverized innocent people who showed up for work one Tuesday morning.

How would the Democrats protect the rest of us from attack by Islamic suicide bombers?  With more funding for Head Start? With more women in mid-level positions at the EPA?
With a deeper understanding of the concerns of Muslim fanatics?

Sadly, the dogma of the sixties has nothing to tell us about countering violent religious hatred. That can be a frightening and certainly disorienting realization.  Too frightening for most of the delegates at the Democrat Convention who would rather dream about the past than confront the future.

Sad to say, but George Bush may be the only person who can make the world safe for Kumbaya jamborees. 

  

Jews and Frenchmen

Jacques Chirac is outraged that Ariel Sharon suggested Jews in France might consider emigrating to Israel. The Isreali Prime Minister is not welcome in Paris until he explains his insensitive remark says the smug leader of the French world. 

In the interest of world peace may I offer an explanation? 

Jews should leave France because Jews willnever be considered French no matter how long they live there.  The same applies to Muslims, and Germans, and Anglo-Saxons, and just about anyone else who is not already French. 

Unlike the thriving and vital societies in the English speaking world, continental Europe in general and France in particular are societies in retreat, unable to assimilate newcomers, more concerned about dividing up finite pieces of a shrinking pie than opening up to new possibilities and expanding the pie.

Proof?  He are Chirac's own words as found on the website of the Council on American-Islamic Relations: 

"We are in a time where undoubtedly, we are witnessing racist events involving our Jewish and Muslim compatriots and others, too. Sometimes just simple Frenchmen are attacked because they do not belong to such or such community. This is unacceptable.

Yes, racist violence is unacceptable particularly when ordinary French people are caught in the crossfire. 

Not welcome in Paris?  Sharon didn't need Chirac to tell him that.

Repeat After Me:   "There Is No Connection. There Is No Connection. There Is No Connection"

Clinton Foreign Policy Team

The Clinton Foreign Policy Team This photo is getting more and more embarrassing with time. Perhaps Sandy Berger was trying to destroy the negatives over at the National Archives? As far as I'm concerned, any classified documents that Sandy Berger stuffed into his pants are from now on officially "For Your Eyes Only," buddy.   Pre-September 11.  Seeing no evil

You're No Good   
 
It seems Linda Ronstadt was escorted off stage and out of town by an irate Vegas audience who paid good money to see her sing but were forced to endured babbling Left Coast culturesmog instead.   
 
Perhaps even more perplexing than her admiration for Michael Moore is her appearance before a Las Vegas crowd.  Who would actually pay to see Linda Ronstadt perform in 2004 anyway?   
 
Ronstadt was a pop star from the darkest seventies.  But unlike the rest of us, she actually looks far worse today.  She doesn't seem to have learned much in the ensuing decades either.  
 
Sad. 

This is Linda Ronstadt as millions of dorky former teenagers remember her.

And here she is now after being ravaged by years of BushHate®. "It's a real conflict for me when I go to a concert and find out somebody in the audience is a Republican or fundamental Christian. It can cloud my enjoyment. I'd rather not know," Ronstadt tells the San Diego Union Tribune. See how easy and acceptable blind hatred of people you don't know has become for the Religious Left. Why just the presence of such, how do you say . . . vermin?  Just the presence of these subhumans clouds her enjoyment.

Kerry Suffering from Severe Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome
 
During his recent tour through the Midwest where he "connected" with "working families" and "average Americans," John Kerry was asked for some bona fides by a reporter from the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal: 
 

He was asked in the interview Sunday what kind of hunting he preferred.

"Probably I'd have to say deer. It's tough, depending on where you are," said Kerry.

"I go out with my trusty 12-gauge double-barrel, crawl around on my stomach. I track and move and decoy and play games and try to outsmart them. You know, you kind of play the wind. That's hunting," said Kerry.

 
Now, I don't know much about deer hunting but I'm pretty sure no one goes crawling around on their belly with a shotgun trying to outsmart deer.  Certainly no one who expects to bag a deer.
 
First of all, deer hunters sit all day in stands usually high up in trees.  Second of all, they use rifles with telescopic sights because you can't get very close to a deer.  Third of all, deer are skittish and fast.  They tend to notice six-foot-four Senators crawling through dead leaves and over tree stumps with heavy equipment including, maps, shotguns, and presumably a full-size decoy deer.  The smell of the Aramis alone would likely send them running.
 
For this approach to be successful, Kerry would have to crawl within a few feet of the deer (with a gale force wind blowing in the opposite direction), plant the barrel of his shotgun against the deer's temple and pull the trigger. 
 
Doesn't sound all that sporting to me.
 
I think Kerry, who is a Vietnam veteran (it was a traumatic experience and he doesn't like to talk about it)  is confusing deer hunting with The Deer Hunter, unless one of the games he uses to outsmart his prey is Russian Roulette.
 
You would think that Kerry would be sensitive to the charge that he is a Swiss-boarding school educated billionaire opportunist and strive not to validate it each time he speaks.    
 
Then again, maybe he's just outsmarting me. 
 
A condescending, elitist, dillitante?  That's exactly what he wants me to believe.