Thursday, September 19, 2002

More Fun with Brits

I’ve been enjoying a bit of fun at the expense of a lefty nut from Britain whose blog, appropriately named Codshit, is a Spiegel catalog of bizarre anti-American conspiracy theories. The predominant one these days seems to be that the conflict with Iraq is merely a gambit by US corporations to control the oil fields.

I gently engaged Mr.Shit

So let me get this straight. American oil companies want Iraq’s oil so they can make obscene profits . . . but unleashing Iraqi oil on the world market would depress prices . . . so Bush is pressing for war which would cut off Middle East oil and drive prices back up . . . but that would make oil from Texas more valuable . . . and you wouldn’t need Iraqi oil anymore . . . but then people would use less oil . . . so Bush would then need to get more petroleum from the North Sea on the market . . . but Norway would refuse . . . so American fishing trawlers would attempt to grab the Norwegian herring fields . . . which would put pressure on the tuna industry . . . and, gee this international affairs stuff is really confusing!

To which the ever-earnest Mr. Codshit replies knowingly:

Ultimately the goal is control for US companies over the Middle East’s oil, either in whole or in part. Iraq isn't allowed to export much oil this keeps supply artificially low thus driving up the price. Bush is no doubt hoping that once the yanks have control over Iraqi oil, this will essentially open the flood gates and dump loads more oil onto the market, therefore making the price drop. This would benefit the US economy in terms of more secure and cheaper sources of oil.

With bated breath I baited Mr. Codshit:

Yes but what about all of Bush's oil cronies back in Texas . . . the last thing they want is cheap oil, right? You can't buy a gold-plated Cadillac when oil is in the crapper! So what Bush really wants is control of the oil so he can dump it in the Persian Gulf and muck up all the waterfowl and create an environmental holocaust. But wait, that's what Saddam did in '91 and Bush's father cleaned it up but failed to take over the oil fields when he had the chance. Why? Because he really DID control the oil fields and didn't want anyone to know about it and he secretly diverted the oil to the Caspian Sea region through an underground pipeline built by Unocal Corporation which is covertly headed by Dick Cheney. That’s why while the world is busy trying to get at the Caspian Sea, Neil Bush convinces Detroit to build ridiculously huge cars that no one wants which means Prescott Bush has to convince ad agencies to brainwash consumers into buying massive gas guzzlers instead of the Hyundai sedans that they really prefer so that John D. Bush can continue reaping oil profits and Nelson Bush, the Governor of New York can finance the building of the Bush Center on the site of the old WTC.

Now it all fits!!

All in a day's work.

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